Jesus issues a memo. Seeks to distance himself from the right.

In a memo leaked to our staff reporters this morning, Jesus Christ, son of Joseph, disavowed any affilliation with the republican party in America.

I didn't have my frickin hands and feet nailed to a cross just so these bastards could come along and steal in my name. These bsastards [sic] who call themselves Christian in America are in no way a part of my organization

the memo said.