Monday, April 02, 2007
Antichrist Alive, Addicted to Gambling, Lost All His Money-Revelation Thwarted
The Antichrist offered to give our news crew an interview "for just couple of bucks. I could start out on a penny slot and get my pile back."
When asked about the prophecies in revelations He replied "Well, being the Antichrist has sort of hindered me a little. I'm all over the sin thing and I was blazing through Las Vegas on my way to Hollywood to set up shop in the most godless place when I got sidetracked with the flashing lights and all. Oh yeah, Trixie, can't forget Trixie. God you should see Trixie. I'd do anything just to pass out flyers on the strip for her. In fact, I used to pass out flyers on the strip for her. Oh Trixie, she only loves you when you've got money, you know what I mean?"
When we pressed him for answers about heaven and hell he looked a little confused but smiled and asked if he could borrow a couple of bucks to start his way back up. "Heaven and Hell? Here we are." He murmured, looking furtively down the street. "Never play dice with god. That's my best advise. In fact, I'd just try to avoid the guy. He's pretty moody."
He said he doubted if he'd ever get around to the end times now. But noted one of the merits of being the antichrist is that it's no big deal to perform degrading homosexual acts to pay off gambling debts. "Did you hear about the guy who won 4 million dollars on a quarter slot? Damn I'd like to be that guy."