Thursday, May 01, 2008

Lest any accuse me of biased coverage!

I composed a brilliant, though brief essay for the wiki at rantsnraves.org. outlining the general gist of creation theory. I expect to have it published in AiG's peer reviewed publication someday. Here it is:


Creation Theory


Things are pretty complicated, therefore there is a God. Since therefore, there is a God, this God is just like us only really big. Really really big. Huge. Outside of time and composed of everything in the universe but just like us. Only gigantic. Infinitely gigantic. And he can have individual conversations with each person in the universe at the same time just like us only we can only carry on one conversation at a time. Therefore, since God is just Like us only bigger, much much bigger, he likes us. He likes us the same way we like our pets. Only if our pets were just like us except smaller. Since God likes us, he wants us to worship him because we want to be worshiped and God is just like us only way bigger. Infinitely bigger. Since god wants to be worshipped he also made everything. He made everything really really big because he couldn't help it. He is really really big so it was only natural. But he made Earth (in blissful ignorance we spin round her tiny center) the right size for us to live on because it would have been mean to make her really really huge because we wouldn't have been quite as much like God then. We would have been tiny compared to our world. Then we wouldn't have wanted to be worshiped so much because the bigger things would be stepping on us too often. God wanted us to know how it feels to want to be worshiped because he likes us because we are like him only we are a lot smaller. He is huge. And outside of time and space. God thought for a while about being outside of time and space and that's why he put us in time and space. So, that is Creation Theory. Proven.

3 comments:

BWE said...

Edited by me

steviepinhead said...

"You're a funny guy," I said.

"What about bunnies...?"

"No, not 'bunny,' funny."

"We don't have any funny bunnies right now. But you might wanna try back in a day or two. We're expecting a delivery anytime."

"No, dude. Seriously!"

"Serious bunnies? Nah, we've never carried them at all. Just the funny ones..."

BWE said...

a whole boatload o' the funny ones are due to arrive any day.